The purpose of this article is to evaluate the factors influencing the behavior of children and how to modify them so that they grow as model citizens practicing Islam in their community, become a source of joy and comfort to their parents, and maintain family harmony. Children are very susceptible to any and every influence.
The parents (and close relatives living with them like uncles and grandparents) have only 25% influence in a 6-16 year old child. 50% is by peers at school or in the community. 25% is from the teachers and other sources of education outside home i.e. media, mainly TV (and magazines for older youths). The influence of parents is high during early age (0-8 years, up to 80%), but as the child discovers new friends and ideas, he or she grows independent from the influence of parents.
1. The American
The American scene of the behavior of children and adults is changing. While it is difficult to qualify the behavior at home, the same at school has been published.
Peers
Keep children in the company of good Muslim children after school and during weekends to dilute the unavoidable influence of undesirable elements at school.
School
Choose a school in a good location (neighborhood) irrespective of it being private or public. Get to know the teachers personally and interact with them.
Media
Watch TV with your children, and select good educational and entertainment programs.
2. Role of Parents in Influencing The Behavior of Their Children
Love
Information
Decisions
Problems With The Parents
a. If the parents are authoritarian, the child becomes fearful of making mistakes, starts lying for the fear of being punished and feels insecure.
b. If the parents are emotionally disturbed and depressed themselves they will not have time for the children, leading them to withdraw, become depressed or develop anti-social activities.
c. If the parents are perfectionists and expect the child to be perfect all the time, the child will have two options. Either he or she will live up to the expectations, or will develop opposite tendencies
d. The over-protective, anxious parent cannot raise a confident child ready to deal with the real life.
e. The parent who cannot say no to a child, spoils him or her by providing him or her with every wish every time. This child will demand whatever he or she wants immediately and put on a manipulative show to get it.
f. Parents who take sides in sibling rivalry encourage jealousy and hate.
How Parents Can Communicate With Their Children
a. Find a time and place to talk to your children.
b. When you do argue, do it patiently, one person speaking at a time. Be specific and separate emotions from facts. Speak in a low voice.
c. Practice active listening to each other's view, even if you don't agree.
d. Refrain from sarcasm, name calling, humiliation, pointing your finger
e. Encourage each other even in areas of shortcomings, rather than making fun or making a negative remark.
Influencing The Behavior Through Daily Household Chores
How About Infants and Pre-Schoolers
Bill of Rights for Muslim Children
a. Muslim children have the right to learn and practice Islam even if one of their parents is a non-Muslim, or non-practicing Muslim.
b. They have a right to be treated as a person, in an environment that is conducive to their growth and maturity and to become useful citizens.
3. They have a right to receive love, care, discipline, and protection from their parents.
4. They have a right to receive education, and financial protection for the future.
Bill of Rights for Muslim Parents
1. Parents have a right to receive love, respect and affection from their children as mentioned in the Quran.
2. Parents have a right to educate and discipline their children as men- tioned in the Quran and shown by the example of Prophet Muhammad []
3. Parents have a right to know more about their children, and moni- tor other influences affecting them.
4. Parents have a right to say no to unusual financial and other demands of children.
Finally
"Your Lord has commanded that you worship none but Him, and that you be kind to your parents. If either or both of them reach old age with you, do not say to them any word of contempt, nor repulse them, but address them in terms of honor, and out of kindness lower to them your wings of submission, and say, 'My Lord, have mercy on them as they cared for me in my childhood"' (17:23-24).
